ESOL

December 12
The date which i'm having exam....
ESOL...


i thought it would be hard.. but turn out ok...
thats cool...
Well... waiting for results then... 2 months away
1 more class and we are OFF that tuition =DD


not sure whether to continue or not.. 
i want to pass that test! i really do!
and i think i will... at least i hope so?
plus.. i would really miss those crazy people there 


even if i continued... i'm nt even sure whether they're joining the expert class...
expert class is a 2 year course, followed by mastery..
too bad they din teach mastery?
and.. should i join expert?
i mean... expert.. 2 years...
and i join classes just because i wanted to take the exams..


don't even know whether mum is going to throw me elsewhere...
if she does.. 
it means that i will only be spending 1 year there... and ... without exam?
its meaningless!...
previously i dont really feel like continuing...
but today... in the exam hall.. suddenly theres a sudden urge for me to call mum and tell her that i want to continue,i want to improve...


nah.. sokay ... 2 months of holiday is given.. might be deciding that later =D

Granny =(

Dear granny
how are you doing?
granny... Phoebe misses you... A LOT! 
even though you're not around us... 
i know that you're up there, looking out for us, protecting us


Granny... 
how i wish i could hug you like i used to and tell you interesting things i did... 
how i wish i could have you around....
how i wish you could always be with me...


granny.. 
do you know how badly i miss you?
do you know how badly i want to share my joy with you? 
do you know how badly i want to share my success with you? 
and... 
do you know how badly i miss you saying "Thats my granddaughter" 


the moment when you're proud of me makes me feel like i'm the best... 
and that particular moment makes me think that i deserve what i get...  and that i can always be the best... 


i worked so hard... just because i want you to be proud of me... 
i worked so hard... just because i want you to praise me... 
i don't have a target, i don't have a goal.. 
all i want to do is to make you proud... 


i treasured every single memory with you...
granny... i miss you ='(
i feel so alone without you 
i feel so lost... 

thanks

Thanks for always being there for me
Thanks for drowning me with jokes when i'm blue
Thanks for creating such sweet memories for me
Thanks for accompanying me when i need someone... 


Dear grandma,
just wanna tell you that.. you will always be the protagonist of my life
no matter how silly i am... you're always praising me,telling me that i did a good job...
even when i'm idiot enough to get angry of you out of nothing...
you're still there... standing at the same place, with a sweet smile on your face, waiting for me...
Thanks


granny... 
I do know that you're important to me since i'm young...
and life without you wasn't as easy as i thought it would be...
i'm alone granny.. Alone... 
you're my everything...
and my "everything" is gone... the same day you left... 
its been years since you're left ... 
and i'm missing you... 


granny i miss you... i miss your smile... i miss your voice.. i miss your everything... 
my eyes will be flooded with tears everytime i saw your picture in the cemetery... 
and the memories i gone through with you doesn't fade at all...
it gets deeper and deeper.. until i can feel that you're here with me...
if i were to go back in time... i would definitely give you a big hug and tell you how much i miss you... 


since the day you appear in my dream... i thought of you every single day... 
happy as well as sad memories are playing hide and seek with me in my brain...
sometimes... those sweet times appear
and sometimes... i feel like my world had turned to black and white by the time i realized the fact that you're not around anymore... 


Granny.. i miss you... i really do... :(

抱歉……

对不起……

对不起……

对不起……

对不起……

对不起……

对不起……

对不起……

对不起……

对不起……

婆婆…… 对不起……

我竟然能够把你忘记……

对不起……

对不起……

最疼我的你

最爱我的你

最担心我的你

最宠我的你……

永远都是我的最爱……

在心理的位置……也是没有人能够代替的

我永远永远都记得……

当他们犹豫着该不该告诉我你的死讯的那一瞬间

世界瞬间倒塌……我唯一的依赖离开我了……

离开了……

不回来了……

见不到了……

那一晚…… 你进入了我的梦乡

像往常一样摸了摸我的头

像往常那样用这温柔的语气对我说“敏敏，婆婆走了…… 你要坚强”

温柔一笑…… 就凭空消失了……

把我一个人丢在这里……

就这样…… 

不见了……

可是…… 婆……

你忘了吗？

我只有你啊……

当没人理我的时候

就只有你会陪我……

我不开心的时候

总是有你在逗我……

而我……

竟然能够把你忘了……

对不起……

婆…… 

前天再次进入我梦乡是为了惩罚我吗？

为了惩罚我……

在我脑里不断重播以前一起度过的美好时刻

然后…… 再次让我回想到你离开的那个时候……
那段抛下我的时候

我真的真的好想你

好想好想

你知道吗？

因为这样……

几年没流泪的我

就连在梦里也在哭

哭久了

眼睛好痛

心也很痛

那种遗失你的感觉又回来了

我以为我够坚强，

不会因为这样的事而伤心

但是…… 

我怕……

婆……

你那一辈的婆婆们…… 都逐渐去陪你了

疼我的那一些人

爱我的那一些人
都离开了……
一次又一次地哭
一次又一次地恐慌
也不知道……我还能坚持多久

哭累了

心也累了……

好想念你们

都离开了

都不要我了……

都丢下我了

一个都不留

我

好难受……

得微笑面对大家

要疯颠地跟往常一样玩
反正他们也看不到
我一直都在哭着开玩笑……
流着泪陪他们闹
为什么？
为什么看着他们胡闹……
我心情却没一点好转？
也不像往常一样能够开怀大笑

婆……

你知道吗？

有一群网友都叫我“敏敏”呢

记得吗？那是你的专属称呼……
好怀念你那用慈祥的嗓音轻声呼唤我
你知道吗？

他们每叫一句，就会像钉子一样刺进我肉，

每一字每一句都在提醒我……
那原本这样叫的人

走了……

不在了……
我已经失去了……

怎么办？

婆

只有你的我……

一直都只能躲在房里哭…… 

只有你知道我很爱哭

也只有你知道我很容易哭
一句话
就能让我哭整天了……
还记得吗？
你每次为了哄我……
都会为了让我再次微笑……
而特地出去买一大罐糖果…… 

在他们眼里

我是一滴泪都不会掉的怪物

也对

除了你离开的那一次

没事的话

我几乎都不曾跟他们说话

几乎都不跟他们沟通

他们怎么可能了解……

呵……

我的天地———— 零·距离小说馆

零·距离小说馆？
那是什么？
是一群疯疯癫癫没一点正常的人所管理的专业
是一群以玩乐为重的人所在的地方
是一群活跃于晚间的怪咖管理的地方


整天玩闹的他们
天天耍白痴的他们
每次偷懒的他们
常常玩到疯的他们
就是这地方的主人……


零距离……
一个管理员之间没有距离的地方
一个管理员希望和读者之间没距离的专业
零距离地在同一个地方
享受着共同的喜好


来自不同地方的大家
原本互相不认识的一群人
因为一个“零♡距离”而聚在一起……
我们的乐园——零距离

='(

专业被盗……
又没有人告诉我
该有什么样的感觉？
伤心？
难过？
气？
我什么感觉都没有


也对……
加入专业只不过是为了打发时间
没差～


只是有点不甘愿
努力那么就的成果就被摧毁
不过
算了
新专业里还是有他们
那就够了
不是吗？


也许不觉得不开心的原因
是因为他们？
我的伙伴
……


就因为和他们一起工作
所以不觉得不开心
也不会觉得沉闷


相信如果换成别的地方
我一定会闷死
没有疯癫的他们
我一定不会开心
……


谢谢你们
一起努力吧　＝）


虽然现在的专业人数比不上之前
不过……
由我们一起开创的地方……
永远都回处于热闹状态
一定会恢复的　
一定