ESOL

December 12
The date which i'm having exam....
ESOL...


i thought it would be hard.. but turn out ok...
thats cool...
Well... waiting for results then... 2 months away
1 more class and we are OFF that tuition =DD


not sure whether to continue or not.. 
i want to pass that test! i really do!
and i think i will... at least i hope so?
plus.. i would really miss those crazy people there 


even if i continued... i'm nt even sure whether they're joining the expert class...
expert class is a 2 year course, followed by mastery..
too bad they din teach mastery?
and.. should i join expert?
i mean... expert.. 2 years...
and i join classes just because i wanted to take the exams..


don't even know whether mum is going to throw me elsewhere...
if she does.. 
it means that i will only be spending 1 year there... and ... without exam?
its meaningless!...
previously i dont really feel like continuing...
but today... in the exam hall.. suddenly theres a sudden urge for me to call mum and tell her that i want to continue,i want to improve...


nah.. sokay ... 2 months of holiday is given.. might be deciding that later =D

Granny =(

Dear granny
how are you doing?
granny... Phoebe misses you... A LOT! 
even though you're not around us... 
i know that you're up there, looking out for us, protecting us


Granny... 
how i wish i could hug you like i used to and tell you interesting things i did... 
how i wish i could have you around....
how i wish you could always be with me...


granny.. 
do you know how badly i miss you?
do you know how badly i want to share my joy with you? 
do you know how badly i want to share my success with you? 
and... 
do you know how badly i miss you saying "Thats my granddaughter" 


the moment when you're proud of me makes me feel like i'm the best... 
and that particular moment makes me think that i deserve what i get...  and that i can always be the best... 


i worked so hard... just because i want you to be proud of me... 
i worked so hard... just because i want you to praise me... 
i don't have a target, i don't have a goal.. 
all i want to do is to make you proud... 


i treasured every single memory with you...
granny... i miss you ='(
i feel so alone without you 
i feel so lost... 

thanks

Thanks for always being there for me
Thanks for drowning me with jokes when i'm blue
Thanks for creating such sweet memories for me
Thanks for accompanying me when i need someone... 


Dear grandma,
just wanna tell you that.. you will always be the protagonist of my life
no matter how silly i am... you're always praising me,telling me that i did a good job...
even when i'm idiot enough to get angry of you out of nothing...
you're still there... standing at the same place, with a sweet smile on your face, waiting for me...
Thanks


granny... 
I do know that you're important to me since i'm young...
and life without you wasn't as easy as i thought it would be...
i'm alone granny.. Alone... 
you're my everything...
and my "everything" is gone... the same day you left... 
its been years since you're left ... 
and i'm missing you... 


granny i miss you... i miss your smile... i miss your voice.. i miss your everything... 
my eyes will be flooded with tears everytime i saw your picture in the cemetery... 
and the memories i gone through with you doesn't fade at all...
it gets deeper and deeper.. until i can feel that you're here with me...
if i were to go back in time... i would definitely give you a big hug and tell you how much i miss you... 


since the day you appear in my dream... i thought of you every single day... 
happy as well as sad memories are playing hide and seek with me in my brain...
sometimes... those sweet times appear
and sometimes... i feel like my world had turned to black and white by the time i realized the fact that you're not around anymore... 


Granny.. i miss you... i really do... :(

抱歉……

对不起……

对不起……

对不起……

对不起……

对不起……

对不起……

对不起……

对不起……

对不起……

婆婆…… 对不起……

我竟然能够把你忘记……

对不起……

对不起……

最疼我的你

最爱我的你

最担心我的你

最宠我的你……

永远都是我的最爱……

在心理的位置……也是没有人能够代替的

我永远永远都记得……

当他们犹豫着该不该告诉我你的死讯的那一瞬间

世界瞬间倒塌……我唯一的依赖离开我了……

离开了……

不回来了……

见不到了……

那一晚…… 你进入了我的梦乡

像往常一样摸了摸我的头

像往常那样用这温柔的语气对我说“敏敏，婆婆走了…… 你要坚强”

温柔一笑…… 就凭空消失了……

把我一个人丢在这里……

就这样…… 

不见了……

可是…… 婆……

你忘了吗？

我只有你啊……

当没人理我的时候

就只有你会陪我……

我不开心的时候

总是有你在逗我……

而我……

竟然能够把你忘了……

对不起……

婆…… 

前天再次进入我梦乡是为了惩罚我吗？

为了惩罚我……

在我脑里不断重播以前一起度过的美好时刻

然后…… 再次让我回想到你离开的那个时候……
那段抛下我的时候

我真的真的好想你

好想好想

你知道吗？

因为这样……

几年没流泪的我

就连在梦里也在哭

哭久了

眼睛好痛

心也很痛

那种遗失你的感觉又回来了

我以为我够坚强，

不会因为这样的事而伤心

但是…… 

我怕……

婆……

你那一辈的婆婆们…… 都逐渐去陪你了

疼我的那一些人

爱我的那一些人
都离开了……
一次又一次地哭
一次又一次地恐慌
也不知道……我还能坚持多久

哭累了

心也累了……

好想念你们

都离开了

都不要我了……

都丢下我了

一个都不留

我

好难受……

得微笑面对大家

要疯颠地跟往常一样玩
反正他们也看不到
我一直都在哭着开玩笑……
流着泪陪他们闹
为什么？
为什么看着他们胡闹……
我心情却没一点好转？
也不像往常一样能够开怀大笑

婆……

你知道吗？

有一群网友都叫我“敏敏”呢

记得吗？那是你的专属称呼……
好怀念你那用慈祥的嗓音轻声呼唤我
你知道吗？

他们每叫一句，就会像钉子一样刺进我肉，

每一字每一句都在提醒我……
那原本这样叫的人

走了……

不在了……
我已经失去了……

怎么办？

婆

只有你的我……

一直都只能躲在房里哭…… 

只有你知道我很爱哭

也只有你知道我很容易哭
一句话
就能让我哭整天了……
还记得吗？
你每次为了哄我……
都会为了让我再次微笑……
而特地出去买一大罐糖果…… 

在他们眼里

我是一滴泪都不会掉的怪物

也对

除了你离开的那一次

没事的话

我几乎都不曾跟他们说话

几乎都不跟他们沟通

他们怎么可能了解……

呵……

我的天地———— 零·距离小说馆

零·距离小说馆？
那是什么？
是一群疯疯癫癫没一点正常的人所管理的专业
是一群以玩乐为重的人所在的地方
是一群活跃于晚间的怪咖管理的地方


整天玩闹的他们
天天耍白痴的他们
每次偷懒的他们
常常玩到疯的他们
就是这地方的主人……


零距离……
一个管理员之间没有距离的地方
一个管理员希望和读者之间没距离的专业
零距离地在同一个地方
享受着共同的喜好


来自不同地方的大家
原本互相不认识的一群人
因为一个“零♡距离”而聚在一起……
我们的乐园——零距离

='(

专业被盗……
又没有人告诉我
该有什么样的感觉？
伤心？
难过？
气？
我什么感觉都没有


也对……
加入专业只不过是为了打发时间
没差～


只是有点不甘愿
努力那么就的成果就被摧毁
不过
算了
新专业里还是有他们
那就够了
不是吗？


也许不觉得不开心的原因
是因为他们？
我的伙伴
……


就因为和他们一起工作
所以不觉得不开心
也不会觉得沉闷


相信如果换成别的地方
我一定会闷死
没有疯癫的他们
我一定不会开心
……


谢谢你们
一起努力吧　＝）


虽然现在的专业人数比不上之前
不过……
由我们一起开创的地方……
永远都回处于热闹状态
一定会恢复的　
一定

白痴

吃饱没事干吗？

其实我很讨厌你们

很讨厌没事的时候故意惹出事来的你们

无能

智障

没脑

除了这些

我想不到任何词可以形容你们

你你你

真的有那么LOA吗？

别人一不把注意力放在你身上

你就发火

给我小心点

嘴巴给我放干净

不要没事就向本小姐的朋友发火

而且是因为自己白痴而发火

想离开…… 

知道为什么吗？

常把事情闹大的你们

我没那个余兴去陪你们疯

常把事情弄得复杂的你们

让我好累……好累

总觉得

自己真的不适合再继续闹下去

每每开始玩

开心的总是你们

累的，苦的

总是我—— 

有时甚至认为

好了吧？ 

够了吧？

可以了吧？

我能不能…… 就这样消失？

也许有时会有 “如果不认识你们…… 一切都会不一样了吧” 的想法

那不一样…… 

是比较轻松

比较美好的那些

愚蠢的你们

要几时才会发现到呢？

呵~ 

当我想把心事都发泄出来的时候

不知怎么的

也许是习惯吧

最终

都把事情都吞会去

果然

我还是比较适合一个人呢

没烦恼

没负担

的一个人

没事

没事

我真的没事

恩

就没事

…… 

没事才怪…… 

就算开始堕落了

也不肯让别人看我一蹶不振的样子

不像让人看到我懦弱的摸样

那连我自己都觉得丢脸的时候…… 

不可以

不可以让别人知道我在哭泣

不可以让别人知道我在伤心

不可以让别人知道我很脆弱

绝对不可以

永远把开朗

微笑的我呈现在别人面前

就算再伤心

就算再多心事

就算再郁闷

这些…… 

留给自己就好了

笨蛋

好多人都觉得我容易了解

很多人都认为我不会隐藏心情

一群笨蛋

无可救药的笨蛋

竟然那么容易就被骗

我该高兴吗？

他们就这样被骗了

还是…… 

算了……

没事了

就算在背后流了多少累

就算在背后觉得再累

都要疯疯癫癫地面对大家

这才是我

才是敏

才是Phoebe

不是吗？ 

性格

性格多变的我…… 

自己都不了解自己…… 

觉得我开朗吗？ 

觉得我暴力吗？

觉得我恐怖吗？ 

伪装成功…… 

我应该要开心吗？

还是……  

要因为没人了解我而感到苦涩？

呵~ 

没关系

他们怎么说都没关系

他们感觉怎样都没关系

自己了解自己就好

自己知道自己的性格就好

…… 

真的

只有自己就可以了 :')

random thinking

i dunno why.. but i hav a bad habit
i kept on thinking stuff tat makes me scare...
like now...
thinkin bout exam


what if i dun do well in it?
will i do well in SPM then?
i dunwan my result to fall...i really dun
i know that i am a person who takes result very seriously...


SPM may be just a path ...
but its important to me... i dunno... its just...
its a major exam... and i wanna score! 

:DD

You're always there for me... 
i know
I'm always keeping me to myself...
i know


its nt that i dun wanna tell or anything...
its just...i'm afraid to tell... 
i will be fine... at least that's what i told myself...


i prefer... being alone
it makes me feel safe... makes me feel secure :) 
really... 


i know i've been keeping me away from all of u since... i'm born? 
i dunno... i'm just scared :(


no matter how i'm keeping myself from you guys... 
all of u is still my family... 
i'll still gif u a hug when you're down
stand by your side when you needed me
offer u help when you're helpless...
at times i needed... 

What i feel

i'm always cheerful in front of everyone
at least i tried to be... 


when i'm happy... i'm hyper
when i'm down... i'm emo
is tat what they think of me?
so... i'm easy to understand huh?


but... 
hu noes when their words hurt my feelings...
and i'm still trying hard to be cheerful...
hu noes when what they say makes me feel uncomfortable
and i'm keeping quiet, tellin them i'm bz... 


no one will... 


u dun understand me...
u dun...
dun act like you do
dun assume tat you do.. 


nah... i'll nt tell u tat u don
i will juz leaving u.. tellin ur own story..
what will i do? 
i'll just keeping quiet aside... smiling with u... laughing at ur dumbness... 

23rd Aug [my bday ]

Wanna noe how i gone thru the day? XD
well.... 
i'm too tired to wait for 12am... so .. i slept... 
of coz...i silent my fon first XD <<< smart rite? ;p


went school....
recess....
they bought me an Oreo Cheesecake !! 
OMG!! i was so shocked!! i love them !!! 
OREO CHEESEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~~ <3 <3!!
then then then...
they sang bday song [should i describe it as "scream" instead of "sing" ?] XD


they scream so loud tat pn lee came over XD!!
i tot shes goin to scold us but she din... LOL!!


btw... our custom? lol.... 
gotta bite out the candle ... XD
:)
well.... its quite fun 
Thanks guys.. u'll are the best 

20th Aug... [ytd]

too tired to renew my blog ytd... XD


well..20th is Eugenie's bday.. 
bt went to wan chi's hse for the belated bday party 
Had a lot of fun...


Dare n double dare agn...
been dared to kiss Wan ying XD... lol.. kiss oni lorrrr ;p


oh oh oh!!! went to playground too.. played see-saw and swinGGGGGGGGGG!!!
i love swings XD


food food food...
wan chi.. pls DO remind me to bring 2 stomach when i go to ur hse... 
the food roxxxx... and so is the hse deco... super nice.. comfortable :)


love her... i ate famous amos toooooo XD
nice celebration :)

:) 17 August

Joe Wei's bday :)
Went to her plc to celebrate 
LOL


play Dare or dare instead of true or dare XD
quite fun actually....
i've been dare to say "i love u" to someone... LOL
i juz... feel nothing?
just walk there.. n ... "i love u"...
then walk bak... XD


i think tat girl look at me as if i'm a weirdo or something ba... :P
urghh.. hu cares...
LOL... 
the fun part... usin jia yi's fon... playin her around...
her reaction was the funny thing XD


XD... 

countdown .... [jw's b'day]

previous day,
mummy bought me a watch as my bday present... <3 it ! 

and and and... skipped ttn... XD
and u noe wad? i told mum laz minute... lol.. few hours before headin to Fairies
celebrating Jw 's bday
she asked me to sleepover at her place...but...
i told her laz minute and wanna change my plan agn? she'll kill me for tat


Went at arnd 8... She saw the cake [was plannin to surprise her ... plan failed ]
Everyone came... 
dunno do wad crap... time flies like super fast
mum messaged me ask me nt to go home so late at around 10... but i din c it =3=


lastly... left me,eve,jil,jw n swi yin... 
Lol... prankin ppl...
tats the best part of today... 
Funneyyyyy...  XD


jw's dad come at around 12 something.... 
i was like... woah... mum actually din rush me for this time... maybe she slept or something... XD
Arghhh... nvm then... XD
reach home.... its alrd nearly 1.... :)


Tired... still went on9... ;p ... 


Btw... HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOE WEI..... xD

Here comes August...

Late for saying this but.. still... HI AUGUST!! <3 
the month i loved the most... XD


hmmm... the month tat i'll spend a lot :( 


well... as far as i could rmb... Theres quite a lot to spend on... 
Goin celebrate joe wei's moro... 
or should i use "countdown" instead of celebrate? 
Lol... 
Wadeva... XD... still havin a little celebration...


Grrrr... gotta skip ttn to get there :( 
u're so lucky to hav me skippin ttn for u XD


.... 
Btw... i bet they'll be playin till late nite...
and i guess my mum will call me like mad XD
Hu cares  ... imma hav fun 

~~~~

Another boring sunday... 
Raining...
Storming...
no more sun hanging on the sky
no more bright rays shining on me


Streets are empty
leaving the rain to pour 


it may be a relief to ppl... 
as sun is finally away
letting rain to cool down the earth


hu noes if the sky is actually cryin
as human dun appreciate anything it done...
when it shines... 
human complaint tat its hot
when it pours
human complaint tat its freezing


Why can't we just b happy for wad we hav~ 

i don't need u... 
i really don't...
i don't need your approvement
so is your encouragement
All i need is my confidence towards my own
All i want is my own approvement


i did all tat stuff
just bcoz i want it do be done
and i want it to be perfect 
in my own way


i dun care whether you're here for me
or whether you're always stand by me
i'd rmb i told u b4.... tat ... 
 MY OWN WORLD IS ONLY FOR THE SAKE OF MYSELF
i dun hav the place to care for others
or the heart to think for you 


Anyone can betray
Anyone is untrustable... 


Keep it to myself and everything will be alright :)

;p

nearly forgotten bout this place agn.... ;p
Forgive me , Blog... 
at least i rmbered my password for this time... rite? Zzzz


人，
还是靠自己比较好
至少，
未来某一天，回想起现在，
会觉得自己不是没用的
至少会觉得，
自己曾为自己奋斗过


我也知道
现在所经历的
不论是 悲伤，痛苦，愤怒，或是 开心
都会是我以后珍藏的记忆
而这些记忆
都会伴随着我
直到生命划上一个完美的句点。


要活出色彩
你以为很容易吗？
对我来说
只要与朋友们一起走下去
一起度过每段时刻
一起分享喜悦
一起感受悲伤
一起撑过困苦时刻
就已经足够了
……

气！！！！

本小姐活了那么多年
从来没被这样对待过的！！
你是谁啊？！
凭什么要因为你而破例！


本小姐最最最最最最最最讨厌别人用命令的口气对我说话了啦！！
她以为他是谁？我老妈？就算是我妈我也照样翻脸！！！
啊~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 忍下火气果然是个很错的决定……
刚才就应该骂死你了！！骂到你活不下去！！！！


现在想活埋她……
听她惨叫声……
看着她渐渐失去呼吸…
看着她双眼慢慢闭上……
听她哀求的语气………呵呵


就算了……我也不要看了……
免得发彪
哇靠！我只是让你们不要吵
过后又把事情赖到我头上？！　


本来将下的火气再次被提起！！！
你当你是谁啊？你来之前……本来是很和平的……为什么要因为你破例……每个人都没有特例……为什么你这个刚加入的就有？！
还有！！什么都是我的错就对了？！　
睁大眼睛看一看！！！不要把事情都赖到本小姐头上！！
你明明什么都没有说过！！现在突然说什么“你说话不算话”！！！
我一定会让你再那里活不下去……不然我不姓王！！　


之前，管理员里面有哪个敢说“不要，不在我的工作范围以内”
你一个新来的……有什么资格说　
我们之前还不是不能就好好说……最多让别人帮忙……你呢？！
凭什么说不要就不要？！ 你是神吗？！？！？！？！其他人还不是一样打！！

看着你那张嘴吧！迟早害死你的！！
有一天如果你死在街头我也不觉得稀奇……那是你活该！


我活了那么久……从来没有人敢这样对我的！！
我忍下口气好好对她说……她竟然把另一件事也给卷进来？！
他眼睛是瞎了不成？还是本来就智障？！明明是两件事……还可以说在一起……最后还认为自己没有错？！

小姐啊！！在那里……有谁敢撒野？！你到现在不被钉死就算好了！！


还把事情都赖到我头上……说我说话不算话……我能不气吗​？！
她明明什么都没说过！
她当自己是神阿？！说什么就是什么……
有机会的话
我想扫她两巴掌……放火烧了她全家……把他尸体解剖……把垃圾放​进他身体……再把他头砍了！然后把她眼球挖出来！！！


你凭什么阿？！
你一加入，和平气氛都被你破坏！


啊～～～最讨厌别人命令和威胁我了啦！！！！！！

End of monthly test

1 word to describe:  SUCK


I screw papers for today... again ... :(
Forget it...
aiming for better results nex term <<<--- which will be the year-end exam
LOL.. 
i'm dyin..
sure will be lots and lots and lots of failed subject :(


OH ya... 
moro gt 2 more papers... but then.. 
all useless sub
so...
just forget it!! 
XD


today is alrd everyone's last day 
YAY!!! 


bye exams
bye papers
bye everything 

The worst ==

Remember wad i said tat this exam is making my life miserable?

Oh WAIT!! i haven say tat...

Well..... THIS EXAM IS MAKING MY LIFE MISERABLE!!

i said it now :)

ok..bak to the topic...

i screwed chemist! 

LOL!!

tats the paper i found worst... ... ... ... ... ... till today... 

And and and!!!

Sejarah was easy :)

i <3 it !!  A LOT!! 

WHOOTs...

dunno whether i can do well anot..

but...

surely passed 

8000

哇！
小说馆已经破8000了耶……
这可是我连想都没想过的事……呵呵


还记得刚加入的时候……
连700都还没过呢……
短短几个月的时间
人数已经多过十倍了…
呵呵……


可惜……
最近目录问题……
必须修改目录
不然
我早就丢小说淹了那个地方^^
没关系
既然放不到小说
就改多点目录当礼物吧……


谁知道
改着改着
就改了十五本……XD
对我这种懒人来说……已经算是很多很多了……
哈哈


不管怎样都好……
小银小说馆……为了迈向10 000 加油吧！ >.0

feeling-less

First day of exam
and i'm feeling nothing
nt only that
i nearly forgotten that theres an exam to go.. LOL
i tot that today is just another boring dull school day……
Pack bag halfway and i was like : Should i pak my bag today? Why shouldn't i ...
then ..... OH!!!! EXAM !!!!


lol... forget it... 
Oh ya,,, BI summary part was kinda tough tho....dun reali understand the passage... 
pfft....
looks like another alien language to me ><


算了……
还是和以前一样……
做完考卷……就开始想小说情节
不一样的是……
这次……
想着想着……
竟然从言情想到杀人的去　><
天啊……
我有问题了　＝＝

感觉

唉~

你来得真不是时候呢……

每次都这样

偏偏在我考试的时候才有这种感觉

这种想把沉睡在脑海中的影像写出来的感觉

平时开着notes,只能发呆

不管过了多久

还是写不出，

哪怕只有一句也好。

现在

感觉却停不下来

渴望拿起笔

渴望记录下闪过的情节

其实

也挺好笑的呢

考试一开始，

我就拿起笔

开始与时间奋斗

一直到最后一秒

老师叫收卷的时候才甘愿停下

原因不是因为在回答考题

而是在写下在我脑里一闪而过的故事

弄得考卷爆满

只有这种时间

我才有心情继续之前的“悬案”

第一部作品
几乎没什么人知道
是目前唯一一部完结作品
之前读回去
才发现
那文笔是多么的稚嫩
那写法是多么的生疏
所以我
对自己也没什么信心
因此觉得没什么必要继续写下去


现在呢？
读回第二部……
确实是比第一部好
不过
倒是发现到
我现在的文笔
好像比不上之前了
写出来的东西
已经失去了之前的感觉……


话说回来
不管怎样都好

这次也像之前一样

考试过后

你们

又会消失了吧？